Sep
Guilt
I had mentioned the other day that my so-called “family” confused guilt with love. That is not as rare as you might think. It is a form of greed practiced by many selfish and insecure souls. Those they cannot keep with love, they try to keep by applying guilt.
Guilt is an emotion that had a purpose. If a tribe member made a mistake that caused harm to other tribe members, guilt made sure he regretted it enough to not do it again. The feeling was supposed to last long enough to make an impression, but not long enough to cause a problem. That was all. Unfortunately, it stayed with us as we evolved. Guilt attached itself to other things than mere group survival.
I have heard it said that a person is not mature unless he has regrets. Most of us have our regrets. Only the cowardly are so afraid of making mistakes that they never chance anything. The rest of us make mistakes, and some we regret. Guilt is a consequence of regret, though it is not inevitable. As for our mistakes, there are those that hurt ourselves and those that hurt others. Mistakes are the natural consequence of having a life.
Guilt may have its place, but that place is small and of short duration. Regret the mistake and the harm, and then move on. If possible and practical, take measures to amend the situation. When that is not practical, you have to chalk it up to a mess you cannot fix.
Some folks may never forget your mistake. That is their problem. You cannot make their resentment the cause for your own guilt. You need not placate them by feeling bad over something that is long since done. The perpetual resentment is their problem, not yours.
Learn to deal with guilt and to rid yourself of it. Guilt is a self-imposed sentence that can inhibit and even debilitate a person’s life. I have seen people so over wrought with guilt over trivial things that they lived in continual discomfort. One might say that they short-circuited their own right to happiness. I have seen guilt drive people to do amazingly stupid things that ended up hurting themselves.
You do not need to be a victim of guilt. Remember that we all make mistakes. If you regret something you did, then obviously you have become better than that. There is no need for the person you have become to feel guilt for the person that you were.
Suffer no guilt.
