Apr
Perfect or Not
Does it make you uncomfortable if you meet someone who seems too “perfect”? Do you wonder if such an individual might not have a nest of skeletons in his closet? There are people who like to promote themselves as paragons of “good.” They come off as if they had never done any great wrong in their lives. I find this especially true of monotheistic clergy. Of everyone out there, they are the ones most likely to claim a lifelong example of saintliness. Political candidates also like to claim a life of goodness and perfect honesty.
I wonder how a clergyman can claim to lead people through good and evil, if he has never brushed evil.
If a person sounds too perfect, then one of two things is wrong. Perhaps he conceals his misdeeds well. That makes him a phony. On the other hand, he may have done no wrong because of fear. He either feared consequences or feared making a mistake. The worst is the fear of mistakes. It keeps people from doing their best. Our greatest decisions in life are made when it is most possible to make a mistake. Fear of mistakes leaves only the weak decisions which require very little of a person. Indeed, those whose fear of mistakes makes them indecisive are cowards.
Behind the veneer of perfection we find either a phony or a coward. They are as noxious as those who frequently make mistakes and those who willingly choose wrong.
The person who had made mistakes and done a few bad things is someone who is not afraid to decide. He will take a chance. He also knows good and bad through real life experience. His decision will be based on fact, not a set of arbitrary rules of conduct.
There are times in our lives when we run the risk of making a mistake. Most of us take the risk. Doing so is a brave thing.
For those who seem too perfect, we are well advised to regard them cautiously. They are more than likely to be fraudulent or timorous. Both are traits that make a person unreliable. They are not to be trusted.
It is our imperfections as well as our assets that encourage trust.
I think the monotheists have painted themselves into a corner with this. It’s often a Catch-22 for clergy, because their flock EXPECTS them to be perfect. This is an odd dynamic we have in our culture that is frith-breaking. We have a public that EXPECTS the superhuman of its leaders, but is secretly waiting with the game of “Gotcha!”, which Eric Berne called “Now I’ve Got You, You S.O.B.!”. Some people try to project perfection ; other people project perfection onto them whether they want it or not. Regaining a culture that has a humanistic attitude towards leaders, expecting MORE of them because of their position, but not PERFECTION, I think will go a long way towards restoring frith within the culture.
I really think sometimes it does go both ways. One can often encounter clergy in private who are very well educated, and know that much of the Bible, for instance, is to be taken symbolically, and yet they are fearful to ever state this before their congregations who are not so well educated, for fear of being kicked out on their heels. But you’re right. That does ultimately amount to cowardice if they aren’t doing ANYTHING to at least incrementally increase the amount of education in their flock. Perhaps prudence in such situations might demand a more measured, long-term, incremental approach, but if they just maintain a status quo of ignorance, they are in effect supporting something regressive when they know better.
And yes, it’s really easy to be “perfect” when you’ve never risked anything. Risk entails possibility of mistake, but again, if you’ve got folks actively playing the game of “gotcha!”, then they are just waiting for anyone to make a human mistake so they can excoriate them. We’re going to have to overcome these dynamics if we are going to evolve into a healthier culture, or even sub-culture. Realistic admiration for someone who dares, fails, admits the failure and gets back up on their feet to try again, proceed forward, and also do what they can to correct the mistake, is something we need to cultivate.
Thank you again for a thought provoking article!
April 23rd, 2008 at 8:45 am