Apr
Wrong Expectations
Back when I counselled alcoholics and addicts, people in early recovery had unusual expectations of others. The folks in early days of recovery expected others to be understanding of their plight. Invariably, the expectation included concessions being made for the addict’s condition. The newly-recovering addicts and alcoholics wanted special treatment.
Was special treatment warranted? Sometimes it was, but usually not. The plain fact is that it was rarely forthcoming. The newly-recovering addicts and alcoholics could not understand how they were being treated. “Don’t people realize I have a disease?” they would complain.
Some folks did understand, some did not, and some understood but did not care.
The problem was not getting others to understand. The problem was getting the alcoholics and addicts to accept the fact that others would not give them special treatment. People could not be expected to alter their lives just because an alcoholic or addict had a disease. As I used to say, “Your disease is your problem. You have no right to expect them to change anything. You have the problem, so the changes are all up to you.”
Diseases, ailments and conditions are unusual because they affect a small minority of people. The overwhelming majority are free of such afflictions. They can lead normal lives and do normal things without consequence. That same overwhelming majority does not have to know about ailments because such things are not part of their experience. The only exceptions are medical personnel and those who have ill relatives or friends. Otherwise, healthy people do know these things because they do not need to know.
You might have had the experience of an unpleasant run in with a stranger, only to find out their offense was not an offense, but a result of a handicap of some sort. Usually, the other party and their companions get quite indignant and you feel somewhat foolish. They are upset that you did not know they had a problem. But how could you know? We cannot tell at a glance if a person is “slow” or ill or has an unseen disorder.
It is unrealistic to expect people to understand and make concessions. It is not the healthy, but the afflicted who have to adjust. Life may seem unfair that way. Those burdened with a condition or ailment have to make the additional effort. One might think the healthier should adapt to the weaker, but life shows why that is not practical. Humanity moves at the pace of the average folks, neither speeding up for the exceptional nor slowing down for the ill and halt. The majority move along, and the rest have to work a little harder to keep pace with them.
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I had a heart attack in 2003. It has not slowed me down, but it has made me accept a few changes. There are lifting restrictions that limit the amount of weight I can lift and carry. I also have to be careful of shoveling snow. There is a small list of such things. Frankly, I think it is a small concession to make. At least the heart thing is manageable. I think of the folks whose diseases really put a crimp in their lifestyles. Mine is not so bad.
Just because we are Heathens or magicians or doing good things does not exempt us from everyday Life. We get sick, we get well, we have our ups and downs. A heart attack is just a heart attack, not a sign of Asgardian disfavor or Trollish spite. It happens. If you have a condition of any sort, don’ t let it become the thing that defines you.
